Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!

(ah ah ah ah ah ah)For those of you who think I've gone mad, it's a Kaiser Cheifs song that happens to be catchier than an STD in Freshers weeks.

Evening all. I honestly aren't sure what I'm blogging about, but i'll carry on, and who know's what we'll end up with.

Luck. People say you make your own luck in this world. If that is the case, then will someone PLEASE give me the recipe! (That said, unless it's a crude combination of butter and jam then it's beyond me, cooking-wise). OK, so it's not like my leg is falling off, or that i'm starving or anything, but i seem to be a victim of what is known as Murphy's Law, which states "If something can go wrong, it will go wrong." Take, for example, my recent trip to Barnsley. Upon getting on the bus after work to get to the station, i was charged £1.20, when all other bus journeys are either £1.10 or £1.15 (and of course, I only had £1.15 in change on me) so had to scrounge 5p off the only other person on the bus (a lady so old that it was impossible to tell where her wrinkles ended and her face began). Eventually I arrive at the station, and head to the machine that you buy tickets from. I entered where i wanted to go, then it asked me would I like a single, or a return. I press return, then pay, then wait for the tickets to print. And wait. And wait. And wait.........EVENTUALLY the machine decides to print off......one ticket. A single. Now, the Single/Return buttons were at totally opposite sides of the screen to each other, so there was no way I could have accidently pressed Single. Anyway, with only 5 minutes before my train was about to leave, I didn't have time to go find a member of staff and tell them their machine was shit (mostly because it is impossible to find members of staff at Hull Station), so I hopped on the train and headed to Barnsley. Only I had to change at Meadowhall. Which meant getting to Meadowhall in time to catch my connection, which anyone who has ever travelled on a train in this country knows is always a tricky job. And yes, as predicted, the train stopped in the middle of nowhere for no reason for 10 minutes (with no apology from the world's most Geordie train driver either), meaning my train got into Meadowhall at the same time the train from Meadowhall to Barnsley was due to leave. Anyway, in the hope that the train would be late (as EVERY train in this country is) I found a screen that told me which platform the train would be leaving from. Platform 4, I was told by Mr. Flickering Timetable Screen. I look around, platform 1, platform 2.......where the bloody hell are 3 and 4? According to Mrs. Information Kiosk, over a fecking huge hill behind platform 2. So one sprint later, i find my self coming over the hill (is it a monster, is it a monster? [sorry]) I see the 13:14 to Barnsley clunking off into the distance. Who puts a hill between stations? And then make people walk over it rather than through it? Idiots. Anyway, the resy of the day went without a hitch, besides me losing an unknown amount of money through my wallet being broken. Other things that have gone wrong include buying a chocolate bar that has only one strip of chocolate in rather than the 2 it should have, looking forward to a night out for ages only to have it cancelled by illness, the only day of the week when weather isshit being the day we want to play football (and that day being good the week we decide not to play) and just generally silly little things, like Spiders playing all the decent songs after I'd left, and missing the best lunar eclipse in years. It's annoying i tell you, annoying! Oh, and it looks like i'm not doing stand up any more, which sucks more than a hoover with an attitude problem.

Random questions:

1. Why would anyone buy real Jaffa Ckaes over the cheapo Sainsbury's ones, which are superior in every way?

2. Why are people allowed to make old songs into dance songs by speeding them up and adding a "dum dum dum dum" over it? I could do that! I heard some god-awful remix of a Savage Garden song on the bus the other day, which, besides its lack of any redeeming features, was described as "f**king banging" by a greasy, overweight, luminous hooded coat wearing chav. NOTHING should ever be described as being "f**king banging". Ever.

3. Organic Foods. What's the point? For example, how is bread not organic in the first place? Unless of course it's battery bread. I can just picture small bread buns in tiny cages being fed yeast until they grow into loaves of bread. The last time I looked, flour, salt, yeast, water and water are all natural, and therefore, organic! You can't have genetically modified salt! Plus, you pay more for these products that have had no expensive fertilisers used on them, just very cheap (if not free) cow crap used instead! How does that work?

4. Why are Cheesestrings so damn addictive, despite them never having seen a cow, let alone been made of real cheese?

5. Why are wallets so expensive? A decent one would have set me back about £15! I'd want there to be a tenner already in there for £15!

6. What ever happened to Mr. Motivator?

7. Someday you're going to realise that I'm passing you by. Song and Artist please.

8. Why are the best things in life always so bloody difficult to get?

9. Why is Time Team on at such a time in the morning, that I can be woken up by Matt watching it with the volume really loud?

10. I need a hug.

Later